The Unexpected Life

Since the twins were born (almost 6 months ago!), I have been thinking a lot about trying to make the most of the time I have with them little. I sometimes look back with a twinge of regret at the first few years of Finley’s life. I was in a state of survival at that point, and there is so much more I wish I could have done with that time.

But, I also have grace for myself. I know that I did the best I could at that time. Past Liz was doing her very best, and I love her for it. I wouldn’t be in the place I am right now if Past Liz hadn’t put in the work to get here.

And now, I don’t want to get to the end of the toddler years with the girls feeling like I just survived. I’d like to feel like I thrived in this season.

There is a lot I’m doing to be intentional in this time. A big part of it is just not letting fear dictate what I do or don’t do.

Sometimes I can feel a bit trapped. Having twins doesn’t make it easy to get things done. I can sometimes feel like the girls and I are just on one side of a window watching everyone else do big things (like in this photo – watching Kent and Finley make a sweet snow fort). It can be easy to let the FOMO (fear of missing out) feel overwhelming.

But I remind myself that this season I am in is just that – a season. And so I get to do the work in front of me as best as I can. Right now, that looks like a lot of time spent taking care of two babies who can’t really do anything for themselves yet.

It is a gift and a privilege to get to do that (and to be the one warm in the house while Kent plays in the snow with Finley). Thriving doesn’t have to look for me like it does for anyone else. And it also doesn’t have to look like thriving might for Future Liz, when kids are older and time is more my own again.

Thriving in this season needs to look exactly how it should look for Present Liz. And I hope that Future Liz will once again be grateful for me doing the very best I can right now.

I can’t wait to see where we end up!