This holiday season is the first in awhile where I haven’t felt the looming presence of heartache and anxiety. For the past few Christmases, we’ve been firmly on the infertility roller coaster. Last Christmas, I had just finished the second round of IVF and found out I was pregnant. While it was very exciting, I still had the weight of anxiety around my neck. We hadn’t had an ultrasound yet. We hadn’t seen a heartbeat. Honestly, we’d been here before. And while I tried my best to hold on to hope, I didn’t feel it.
My circumstances have certainly changed in just one year. But I think the more profound change has happened in me. One of the biggest lessons I struggled to learn through the whole infertility process was having peace, hope and joy in any circumstance.
I have spent my life hearing variations of “Christians should have peace/hope/joy in spite of any circumstance.” And this is true. But. I think (for me at least) this is an unhelpful framing of the truth. It’s like telling a panicked person “don’t worry!” Or saying to someone who is really angry “just calm down!” When has that ever worked?
For me, a massive shift happened when I reframed this thought to:
I can have peace/hope/joy because of God’s character which remains the same in all circumstances.
The difference is that I’m no longer telling myself simply to work up a feeling I don’t otherwise have. Instead, I am reminding myself that there is something steadfast I can anchor to no matter what is happening around me.
At this time of year, when everything is supposed to be merry and bright, it doesn’t always feel that way. When we hear others singing:
JOY to the world!
Peace on Earth, goodwill to men from heaven’s gracious king
Oh tidings of comfort and joy
A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices
It can be hard to join in with the songs. I know. I’ve been there, with tears stinging the back of my eyes as I clench my teeth and silently rant at God about how unfair life seems.
But maybe this can be your reminder that our joy, peace, and hope don’t need to depend on fleeting circumstances or fickle emotions. We can choose to get to know God and find unwavering joy, peace and hope in his character.
And this time of year, we can remember that Jesus came into a weary, hopeless world in a totally unexpected way. He was the bringer of joy to the world, peace on earth, comfort and joy, and a thrill of hope.
Wishing you a merry and bright holiday season, no matter what is happening.
Please enjoy these photos from many years ago when my roommates and I created a magical Narnia in our house for Christmas.
The Unexpected Life 
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